Dave Eggers incorporates a few different stylistic elements in his first chapter of "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius." I can distinguish approximately three:
- Flowing, smooth descriptive sentences
- Choppy, stream-of-consciousness thoughts
- Quippy Dialogue
Here, I'm attempting to emulate his choppy style, simply because I enjoyed that section of the first chapter the most. Also, I didn't cop out on a title. I just went with what Eggers did in his table of contents by writing the first few words followed by "etc." My topic is certainly not as serious as his, but in the moment, it felt pretty urgent.
"How many miles, etc."
How many miles to Clarksburg? I know it was 36 a little bit
ago—twenty minutes? I don’t know. Shit. I should be there soon. Hold it. But I
have to pee so bad. When’s the next
sign—oh, I remember that exit. It should be soon, right? Turn up the iPod. Maybe
the song will distract you. This truck is moving so damn slow. What is
this—snow? There was no snow on the ground back there. “Let’s get these teen
hearts beating faster, faster—" Why am I singing Panic! At The Disco? That’s
embarrassing. I should delete it off my—no, I’ll keep it. Maybe I could pee in
my Starbucks cup. No, that’s disgusting. But… can bladders explode? Maybe—I
know, I’ll pull off to the side of the road and grab the cup. No, I’ll do it
outside of the car. Is that illegal in West Virginia? I mean, it is West Virginia… I know it’s illegal to
pee outside in Ohio—Stop it. That’s nasty. You can hold it. What would you do
with the cup? What the hell made me have to go this bad? I didn’t drink
anything more than usual on the drive—Just a little longer—Yes! I know that
intersection. I’m so close. Damn it! Why is the light re—ok now it’s green,
thank God. This music is pissing me
off. Nothing I want to hear is playing. Next. Next. It even hurts to move my
finger—can bladder pain extend all over the body? I’ll just pause it. Maybe a
change in sound will make the time pass. Seriously, what is this snow? Freaking
truck is blowing—Shit! A rock just
hit my windshield. That could have been it. That could have made me pee my
pants. That’s the exit. Right there—no, NO, don’t slow down. Okay I’ll switch
lanes then—damn it, I have to go through this yellow, fast. Starbucks is too far. I’ll go to Panera. Should I buy
some—no, worry about that after you pee. What if there’s a line? There better
not be a freaking line. Okay turn right. Right again. Where to park—I’ll have
to walk so far. Shit. Okay get out slowly—ouch.
I feel huge. Take it slow. Any faster and you really will pee. Bathroom…
bathroom… of course it’s on the other side. There better not be a line. Open the
door…Classic. A line.
I wait my turn. Finally, I feel better.
_______________
This was my thought process for about twenty minutes of my drive home today. It was an excruciating twenty minutes, and I'm fairly sure I hobbled into Panera so as not to burst. It all turned out fine. And I even refilled my water bottle there.
Today I learned that I do not have the bladder of a blue whale (yes, I looked that up, and yes, Google showed some weird results with "which animal has the largets bladder"). I also learned that I'm no Eggers... but I can try.
This does remind me of when Eggers will trail off into some imaginative, oddly specific fantasy about something and literally highlight every possible occurrence. I didn't really see any of your standard writing style in this blog; you seemed to fully adopt Eggers and tell your story with his voice, which is impressive.
ReplyDeleteYou need to stop ending most of your blogs with "I'm no 'so-and so...'" because you really nail Eggers in this emulation. When reading this aloud, I can feel the same flow Eggers has within that section of his book. My favorite part was the Panic! At The Disco scene. I feel like everyone has left over high school music that we all cling to.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I have the experience of "near bladder eruption" at least once every road trip and this is exactly how my mind works.
I think you certainly recreated the stream-of-consciousness approach as well as the penchant for profanity, so well done.
ReplyDeleteI also thought the story itself was funny and relatable. It reminded me of a story my friend once told me about being on a road trip where he had to follow the car in front of him, so he wasn't able to pull over to the side of the road when he had to pee. Instead he had to urinate into the empty cup he had while still driving - and then the cup proved too small, so he had to chuck its contents out the window and then refill it.
Okay so a few back, my wrestling buddy (which is kinda like a war buddy but much more gay) and I traveled across the east coast. We ended up getting stuck in traffic outside of DC, classic, and I, having chugged a monster energy drink and a 2 dollar gas station coffee, had to pee like a racehorse. My mind went almost exactly like yours except replace Starbucks cup with water bottle, and "No that's disgusting," with "Dude don't look back here I'm pissing in this bottle." But anyways I thought this was hilarious. The strangest thoughts occur to you with a full bladder it seems. I like all your little asides and thoughts. I think some desperately artsy description and some self-deprecation would be more Eggers like, but I like your simple train of thought much better.
ReplyDelete